Nightmares and Daydreams

Background info: This is an old dream that I haven’t posted because I wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted to remember it.
I dated a guy named Noah for a few months. He got me pregnant. I had gone to a party and drank booze and smoked a cigarette. It was after the cigarette that I knew I was pregnant because I had never felt so nauseus in my life. I was worried about the kid inside me…although I knew what my decison was already. 
I had an abortion. Before I had the abortion I had the same dream over and over again.

Dream:
I’m inside what looks like my home. I’m kneeling on one knee and my hands are softly gripping the arms of a boy. A boy who I had to get down on one knee in order to see his face. We were talking. He was telling me about his day. He looked so much like Noah. I knew him so well. He was my son… He might have looked like his father but he had my personality. He smiled and laughed like I did and questioned the world the same way I did.
It was a boy. I knew it was a boy.

p.s those of you who are following me. Remember this dream: http://saritasdreams.tumblr.com/post/16650914912/pregnant
take a look at the date. Doesn’t it sound A LOT like my background info? premoniton much?

I had a dream that an alien came to Earth and changed it’s physical appearance to my mom. I knew it wasn’t my mom so I demanded the alien to tell me where my real mom was. The alien actually took form of my mom pregnant (no she is not pregnant in real life). The alien wouldn’t tell me where she was so I started to hit it with everything I had; even it’s pregnant stomach (whether the alien was really pregnant or not I didn’t know). This is all I remember.

I can’t remember the dream too well but this is what I can remember.

Dream: So many people died. People I loved. My friend Jack (who is my friend in real life too) did something bad. He was in line and then he walked over to me and sat down. I had known what terrible thing he had done and I suddenly felt he was going to confess it. I cover his mouth with my hand immediately and he drops something that was hidden inside his clothes. It looks like a small metal ruler. A weapon.
We’re at a school and I immediately take the elevator upstairs. I think I have to do something to save him. He is an artist (in real life too) and I go to one of his art classes that he was suppose to be in at that moment but I was taking his place.

I draw something, I can remember the drawing too. A bunch of circles and eyes. But then I get up to leave and go to what looks like a courtyard. There’s a shooting and someone gets shot in the head. A man I can’t recognize but somehow I know he is the man I love. I don’t wake up in the dream but it’s as if I do. I suddenly get the feeling that I’m pregnant.
A friend of mine is driving and I’m sitting in the seat next to her telling her I have to take a pregnancy test to know whether I’m pregnant or not but I could feel that I was.
I also felt that the father of my children had been killed but I hadn’t fully realized it yet.
I have the pregnancy test in my  hand at one point but before I look at it-

I wake up.
and all I can think about is how our kids would have your eyes.
IF I was pregnant.

Some background info: I had gone to a party the night before. It was a birthday party where I mingled and got drunk. I also ended up smoking three cigarettes and I never smoke.

Dream: I wake up the next day (at the party) remembering that I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant and I had forgotten I was. I drank a shit ton too. I’m freaking out because of my baby so I get up quickly and look around. There are people looking at me not understanding what was wrong. I was in such shock and horror that I couldn’t speak.
It was the only time I had ever drank with the baby inside me so I was praying that because it was just this once nothing bad will happen to him/her. But I was still flipping out. I was being the worst mother in the world. (I have no idea who the father is either. I don’t think there’s a father I’m just pregnant.) I didn’t have a belly to show it, I just knew I was pregnant the moment I woke up after the party.
I had to go see a doctor immediately but first I look up the information on the internet to see the amount of damage I had caused.

That’s all I remember from the dream.
It’s strange because I want kids. I love kids. I’m 19 years old and I can picture myself with kids in the future. Three boys.

Waking up was a relief.